When a relationship is struggling but your partner will not attend therapy, individual work can still shift the dynamic. Or when you want to understand your own patterns before deciding whether to stay.
Relationship difficulties, in my experience working with people, often arrive as a feeling of being stuck. The same argument happens again. The same distance opens up. The same rupture that was repaired last month reappears, and the repair feels thinner each time. There is often a quality of bewilderment: how did two people who chose each other end up here? And frequently, one person is willing to seek help and the other is not.
The difficulties can take many forms. For some people, it is chronic conflict, a feeling that every conversation has the potential to become a fight. For others, it is the opposite: a silence, a politeness, an avoidance of anything that might disturb the surface. There can be sexual distance, where intimacy has become rare or mechanical. Or there can be emotional distance, where you live alongside each other but do not feel known. Sometimes the issue is specific: an affair, a betrayal, a decision about children or geography that neither person can compromise on. Other times, it is diffuse, a sense that something fundamental is missing but neither person can name what it is.
What brings people to individual therapy rather than couples therapy is usually that their partner will not attend, or that they themselves need to understand their own contribution to the pattern before involving the other person. There is often a recognition that this is not the first relationship where these difficulties have appeared. The partners change, but the dynamic does not. That recognition can be both clarifying and demoralising. It suggests that something about how you choose people, or how you respond when closeness becomes difficult, is part of what needs attention.
Living as an expat can place particular pressure on relationships. When you are far from your family of origin and your established friendships, your partner often becomes the entire support system. That weight is significant. Small cultural differences in how emotions are expressed or conflict is managed can become fault lines. And when the relationship is struggling, there is nowhere to retreat. The isolation magnifies everything.
Individual therapy for relationship issues focuses on understanding what you bring to the dynamic, not on fixing the other person or the relationship itself.
In our sessions, we pay close attention to patterns. Not just what happens between you and your partner, but what happens inside you when things become difficult. Do you shut down? Do you escalate? Do you placate? Do you leave? These responses are usually not conscious choices. They are adaptations, often learned early, designed to manage something that once felt unbearable. The work is about making those responses visible, understanding where they come from, and creating space to choose differently.
Much of the work involves attachment. How closeness was modelled in your family, what you learned about anger and conflict, whether it felt safe to express needs or whether doing so led to rejection or criticism. Your attachment style, formed in childhood and reinforced across subsequent relationships, shapes how you respond when your partner withdraws, or becomes critical, or needs space, or becomes demanding. Understanding your own attachment patterns, and recognising when you are responding to an old wound rather than the present situation, is central to the work.
One person changing how they show up in a relationship, what they will tolerate and what they will not, often shifts the entire system in ways that feel impossible until they happen.
We also look at what the relationship might be protecting you from. Sometimes staying in a difficult partnership allows you to avoid confronting loneliness, or your own capacity for intimacy, or decisions about children or career that feel overwhelming. Sometimes the relationship is a distraction from depression or unresolved grief. Individual work creates space to see what the relationship is doing for you, not just what it is costing. That clarity is necessary before you can decide whether to stay or leave, or what needs to change if you do stay.
I trained in integrative psychotherapy, which means I work relationally and pay attention to what is happening between us in the room as well as what you bring from outside it. I have additional training in Compassionate Inquiry, a method developed by Dr. Gabor Maté that focuses on the connection between early relational experiences and present-day patterns, and in the Safe and Sound Protocol, a nervous system intervention that can be useful for people whose bodies hold chronic activation or shutdown.
I moved to Norway in my late twenties and understand firsthand what it means to live far from your family of origin, to build a life in a language and culture that is not your first, and to carry the particular loneliness that comes with that. Much of my practice is with expats, and I understand the ways that being foreign compounds relational difficulties. All sessions are in English. I know what it means to need to work in your first language when the material is difficult.
I have been in private practice for 10 years. Before that, I worked in community mental health and with young people in residential care. I am registered with NRFP, the Norwegian association for psychotherapists.
Questions people ask when they are trying to make sense of relational difficulties.
In couples therapy, both people attend and the focus is on the relationship as a system. In individual therapy, the focus is entirely on you: your patterns, your history, your responses, your part in what keeps happening. Individual work is useful when your partner will not attend therapy, or when you need to understand your own contribution before deciding whether the relationship can shift.
Expat life often means your partner becomes your entire support system. When you are far from family and established friendships, the relationship carries more weight. Small cultural differences in how emotions are expressed or conflict is managed can become significant. Isolation magnifies difficulties. When a relationship is struggling and there is nowhere to retreat, the pressure intensifies.
What you learned about closeness, anger, need, and conflict in your family of origin shapes how you respond in adult relationships. If expressing needs led to rejection, you may withdraw when you need support. If conflict was frightening, you may placate or avoid. If closeness felt intrusive, you may create distance. These adaptations were useful once. The work is recognising when they are no longer serving you.
Attachment theory describes how early relationships with caregivers shape your expectations of closeness and safety in adult partnerships. Secure attachment means you can tolerate both intimacy and independence. Anxious attachment often shows up as fear of abandonment and a need for reassurance. Avoidant attachment can look like discomfort with closeness or a tendency to withdraw when things become emotionally intense. Understanding your attachment style helps you see what gets activated when relationships become difficult.
Yes. Relationships are systems. When one person stops participating in a familiar pattern, the system has to reorganise. If you stop pursuing, the withdrawer may move closer. If you stop placating, real negotiation becomes possible. If you set a boundary that was previously absent, the dynamic shifts. This does not guarantee the relationship will improve, but it does mean change is possible without both people being in therapy.
From people who came to therapy for relationship difficulties.
My partner refused to go to couples therapy, and I thought that meant we were stuck. Working with Andi individually shifted something I did not expect. I started to see my own patterns more clearly, how much I was trying to manage his responses instead of being honest about what I needed. The relationship did not survive, but I am clearer about what I will and will not tolerate now, which feels like progress.
I kept choosing the same type of person and then feeling confused when it went badly. Andi helped me see the attachment stuff underneath it, how I was drawn to people who were emotionally unavailable because that felt familiar. The work was uncomfortable but necessary. I am in a different kind of relationship now, one that does not feel chaotic, and I am still adjusting to that being possible.
My wife and I were not speaking properly for months. I thought the only option was couples therapy, but she was not ready. Working individually gave me space to understand how much I was shutting down during conflict, which came from my family and how anger was handled there. When I stopped doing that, she noticed. We are talking now in a way we have not in years. It is not fixed, but it is moving.
20 minutes to talk about what is happening and whether this feels like the right fit.
I work with people whose relationships are struggling but whose partner either will not attend therapy or is not ready. This includes recurring patterns of conflict, communication difficulties, feeling disconnected despite being together, questions around whether to stay or leave, navigating infidelity or broken trust, managing differences in how partners approach intimacy or conflict, and understanding your own contribution to repeated dynamics. Individual work is also for people between relationships who want to understand patterns before entering something new, or who recognise the same difficulties across multiple partnerships. Much of the work is about attachment, how conflict was modelled in your family, what you learned about closeness and anger, and what parts of yourself get activated when things become difficult. Individual therapy offers space to understand your side of the dynamic without the pressure of managing the other person's presence in the room.
In couples therapy, the focus is on the relationship as its own entity. Both people attend, and the work moves between each person and the dynamic between them. In individual therapy, the focus is entirely on you: your patterns, your history, your emotional responses, your attachment style, your part in what keeps happening. This can be particularly useful when one partner is willing to work and the other is not, or when you need clarity about what is yours to address before deciding whether the relationship can shift. Sometimes one person doing individual work changes the system significantly. Other times, it becomes clear that the difficulties are relational and couples therapy is needed. Individual work is also for people who want to understand why they keep choosing unavailable partners, or why intimacy feels frightening, or why they shut down during conflict. The work is about your inner landscape, not negotiating with another person.
This is a common situation, and individual therapy can be remarkably effective. One person shifting how they respond, what they tolerate, or how they communicate can alter the entire dynamic. In our sessions, we look at your own patterns: how you respond to conflict, what you communicate and what you avoid, where your boundaries sit, what you learned about relationships growing up, and what parts of yourself show up when things are difficult. Sometimes the work leads to the relationship improving. Sometimes it leads to clarity that the relationship is not sustainable. Either way, the work is about understanding yourself more fully. If your partner is unwilling to attend therapy, that is information. It does not mean the relationship cannot change, but it does clarify who is carrying the work. Many people find that doing their own work gives them the clarity and strength to make decisions that were previously overwhelming.
Yes. I am a native English speaker from Scotland, and all sessions are conducted in English. This matters particularly when working with relational material, where the subtleties of language are important. Many expats in Oslo find that working in their first language allows them to access feelings and memories more directly, particularly when discussing family of origin or early relationships. I have lived in Oslo for over 10 years and understand the particular pressures that expat life places on partnerships: separation from extended family, cultural differences in how conflict or affection are expressed, isolation, and the weight of relying on one person for everything when your usual support network is elsewhere. Sessions are available in person at my practice in central Oslo or via Zoom if you are elsewhere in Scandinavia.
Yes. I offer sessions via Zoom for anyone in Scandinavia who cannot attend in person. Many people prefer online therapy for practical reasons, particularly if they live outside Oslo, travel frequently, or have care responsibilities that make leaving the house difficult. Zoom sessions work well for individual therapy. The work is the same; the medium is different. Some people begin online and later move to in-person sessions, or alternate depending on their schedule. If you are in Oslo or the greater Oslo area and able to attend in person, I generally recommend that for relationship work, as being in the room together can deepen the process. But online therapy is effective, and for many people it is the only realistic option.
There is no fixed timeline. Some people come for a few months to gain clarity on a specific decision. Others work for a year or longer, particularly if they are addressing attachment patterns formed in childhood or repeated relational dynamics across multiple relationships. Relationship work tends to move in layers. Early sessions often focus on the present situation: what is happening, what feels unbearable, what needs immediate attention. As the work continues, we move into patterns, history, family of origin, and the less conscious material that shapes how you connect with others. I do not work with fixed-length programmes. We meet weekly or fortnightly, depending on what the work requires, and the length of therapy is determined by what you need, not by an external structure. Some people know within a few sessions what they need to do. Others require more time to build the internal resources to make significant changes.
Sessions are NOK 1,200 for 50 minutes. This applies to both in-person and Zoom sessions. I do not currently have a sliding scale, though I offer a free 20-minute consultation call so you can determine whether this feels like a good fit before committing financially. Payment is by invoice after each session or at the end of each month, depending on what works better for you. Therapy is not covered by the Norwegian public health system unless you have a formal referral, which most people seeking English-speaking therapy do not. Some private health insurance policies cover psychotherapy; I can provide receipts for you to claim if your policy allows it. The cost of long-term therapy is significant, and it is worth considering honestly whether this is something you can sustain.
You can book a free 20-minute consultation call through the form on this page, by emailing Andikerrlittle@gmail.com, or by calling +47 906 02 994. The consultation is a chance to talk briefly about what is happening, ask any questions, and get a sense of whether this feels like the right fit. If we decide to work together, we will arrange a first full session. Sessions are 50 minutes, and we meet weekly or fortnightly depending on your needs. I practice from Ruseløkkveien 59 in central Oslo, two minutes from Aker Brygge, and also offer Zoom sessions for anyone in Scandinavia. There is no waiting list at present.
If this sounds like what you are looking for, get in touch. I offer a free 20-minute consultation to see if we are a good fit.
Book a free call +47 906 02 994